Divorce

For many people, a divorce can mean they’re losing their closest friend as well as their partner, so it can leave them feeling isolated. It’s essential to make sure you have people to talk to. Ideally, you’ll see people in person, but even a regular phone call with a friend who lives too far away to visit can make the world of difference. There are also support groups you can join if you’d like to talk with people who are facing the same challenges as you.

In addition, you could consider getting expert help. A therapist could provide emotional support, for example, or you could turn to someone with specialist knowledge to help with a specific challenge. A solicitor can be invaluable when it comes to navigating the legal situation for divorce, while a financial adviser might help you understand where you are with your money.

It’s easy to stop looking after yourself during any period of emotional stress – and a divorce certainly counts as one of these. However, it will help you cope during the difficult times, and put you in a much better position afterwards, if you try to stick to a healthy routine. Eating well and exercising regularly really can improve your mood, so if you already do this, don’t stop – and if you don’t, it won’t be easy, but try your best to start.

If you have children, don’t forget that they are likely to live through this divorce from day to day, just as much as you are. Anything you and your spouse can do to shield them from the worst of the fallout and help them to understand what is going on will make a huge difference. Keeping routines the same can help and even if you are struggling to cope with your own problems right now, try to make time for theirs.

Although nothing about a divorce is easy, one of the hardest parts for some people is getting to grips with their finances; particularly if they’ve previously tended to leave aspects of it to their spouse. Unfortunately, it’s something you really need to do. Whatever route you follow for the divorce, it’s likely you’ll need to show exactly what you have in terms of assets and debts, so everything can be divided fairly.

In the longer run, it will also be a good thing for you. Understanding where you are is the first step in making plans for the future. Although it can be hard work, you may also find it empowering to know that you are in charge of everything without having to rely on anyone else. A possible first step is to keep a spending diary for a few months (or longer, if you can). This will help you get a sense of what you’re doing with your money – and maybe spot some places where you could make savings.

Even the most amicable of divorces isn’t particularly straightforward – and, sadly, some divorces are much less friendly than this. We won’t go into lots of detail, because this isn’t our field, but we would say that getting expert help can make a lot of sense, particularly if your spouse is doing this as well. The Government has some helpful guidance about what’s involved on its website.

While you do this, try to think clearly about what really matters to you. It is possible to argue about everything – and, at times, it may feel like this is impossible to avoid – but you’re more likely to make things worse than you are to achieve anything.

Getting divorced can feel like the bottom has fallen out of your world, particularly if you weren’t the one to initiate it. You may not be looking forward to what the future holds, which is why it can be a good idea to focus on the positive changes it can bring to your life.

This could be as simple as joining a club, taking up a new sport or just getting out there and doing something you used to enjoy that fell by the wayside during your relationship.

Reconnecting with friends is another thing that many divorcees discover is a benefit of a breakup, as your time in the evenings and weekends suddenly won’t be spoken for in the same way.

Although your situation will depend on your current assets and the nature of your divorce, many people find that their financial position is not as rosy at the point they get the decree absolute. If nothing else, you may be facing the costs of renting or owning a home as an individual rather than part of a couple. There may also have been disagreements about the ways that savings and investments were divided.

However, the good news is that everything is now in your hands. Once you’ve sorted out the basics, an emergency fund of a few months' wages is a natural next step. After that, it’s time to think about savings and investments.

It could be sensible to make sure you can access your money whenever you need to, at least until everything settles down. A tax-efficient way to do this is to use  our ISA.

You may also want to reassess your retirement situation, as you now only have your pensions to provide you with an income. If you have several, you could potentially make life easier by bringing them together. You could also start contributing to a scheme. Just make sure you can put money in when you want and there aren’t any obligations to keep doing it, so you can stop if you need to. Our SIPP could be a good place to start looking.